Living with PCOS

First of all I have to admit that this is THE blog. The one that made me realize that I not only wanted to blog, but that I actually could do it. So please, read on.

The title says a lot. Living with PCOS is a topic of its own, and some women would know this as they can relate more than others.

Here’s my story… I was diagnosed about 6 years ago, recently having moved to Florida and just starting that conversation about getting pregnant in the “near” future. You know those conversations, “let it happen whenever, we’re not avoiding it”. So there we are, not avoiding getting pregnant, yet not being successful at actually getting pregnant either. Besides the pain in my heart from knowing that my journey will not be as easy as the usual “unexpected baby” stories you hear, I wanted answers. “How long does it take to ‘cure’ this thing?” “Can I still get pregnant naturally and ‘unexpectedly’?” (Because nothing gives me more excitement than the thought of being surprised by the news and prepare the most emotional announcement for my husband and family.) “How much money is it going to cost me to get my body ‘baby ready’?” “What can I do to avoid the expenses and treat this at home as much as possible?”

We tried, in 2017 I had a hysteroscopic excision (polyp removal from my uterus). Later that year we did an IUI (Intrauterine insemination) and on the day I had to do my lab test I woke to the news that my cycle had started. I’ll never forget that day, August 12, 2017. That was the day I gave up on my dream. The day I lost faith and hope on getting pregnant on my own. I then realized that my baby will cost me much more than many others. Not only financially, but physically and emotionally.

Two years after that, talking about right now, I am finally in a better position to understand that if I’m giving up on the hope of having a baby naturally, at the very least I should still treat my condition. So I’ve started making some changes, one step at a time, but with a definite goal…I want to be healthy, or at least healthier.

There are many emotional episodes that not everyone understands.

Imagine this, as healthy and regular as you are, you miss your period for 2 days - or 2 weeks. Automatically you may think that you are pregnant because “you always get your period on the same day each month” or “you have never been so late before” or “you just felt pregnant”. You take a pregnancy test and confirm your suspicion, you are indeed pregnant, just like that.

On the other hand I probably will never go through that. You know why? Because if I miss my period by 2 days, 2 weeks, or skip a month, my mind starts thinking about many other things. Things like: another polyp, another surgery, more bills, more pills, and more doctor’s appointments (which by the way I wouldn’t mind because I love my doctor, she’s the BEST, but she does this for a living so there are bills and having to take days off from work). I won’t deny that I also get my hopes up sometimes and think of the possibility of being pregnant. Then I take a test, mostly to confirm if I can have a drink after I see the negative results yet again, and sure enough… I can drink! Not too healthy, I know. But what should I do instead? Cry? I’m done crying, believe me.

Many people with good intentions will say “it will happen in God’s time” and I somewhat agree. But also neither them, nor I, know if it is actually God’s will that I have a baby. We also don’t know if it was part of the “plan” that the process will be this hard. Either way it’s not an easy journey and only those going through it, and getting disappointed every month, will truly understand how hard it is.

Each year a group of women around you will get pregnant at the same time, maybe days apart, or weeks, or months, but it doesn’t fail that at least 3 will be pregnant in the same year. And there we are, faking that it doesn’t hurt us to not be one of them. But we smile, and we are honestly happy for them. Our situation and sadness should never overshadow their happiness. So we go about our days spoiling them, pouring all our love into this new baby and for those as blessed as myself, we get to call them nieces and nephews. And these little cuties steal our hearts, take our money and run with it, and we let them. Because why not?

One thing is true though, my baby will come with a history, one that would start long before he/she becomes a real little person inside of me. And hopefully one day that baby will know that he/she was the most expected person in my life and that my love and joy will have no limits.

Until then, I keep living with PCOS (and treating it).

(Please subscribe to be notified when the next new blog is posted)